How hard it is to sleep in the middle of life

miscellaneous thoughts and adorations

Wed, 23 Dec 2009 09:26:21 GMT

Belatedly, I want to say many many thanks to bexless and geeklite for the snowflake cookies! They arrived at a time I needed a pick-me-up, and so were much appreciated.

I see it's been months since I've posted. I've thought about posting, and when they have the interface to post from my brain, there will be more of that, cuz invariably inspiration strikes while I'm driving. In the meantime, I do still read my flist fairly regularly (though not as much as I used to) though my commenting is sporadic. I'm glad you're all still part of my life even as I attempt to figure out where lj/online community fits into my life now that I have a much more active social life in person. Turns out when I actually leave the house, there's a lot less time to be online - who would have guessed.

One more day of work this week, then four whole days off. I'm very excited to have some downtime, and some time to work on the long list of things to do before the end of the year.

I added a new mood theme, courtesy of Kohler, from 6hundred72 - Lafayette from True Blood, who I adore (based on like 8 eps in season 1). Now I'll have to actually set my mood on posts. And wow, that was the worst user interface ever to set it up. I should be able to upload an entire folder of images following some naming convention, set the size, and be done. Does Dreamwidth do this any better? I'm afraid to even look.

Fannishly, I've recently been obsessed with White Collar - Matthew Bomer is very pretty, I'm loving the threesome vibe in the show and the fic, and I'm delighted to see Natalie Morales getting more work. & I love Mozzie. I am sad they dropped Diana the African American lesbian from the pilot (though I spent the whole pilot wishing they'd let the actor use her normal accent and natural hair, but that's my bias - I did like her on Las Vegas). If I were in charge, there would be lots of Diana/Cruz fic, and Jones and Diana and June would get full names (don't think I missed the pattern there, even if Mozzie doesn't fit - it makes sense to me that he doesn't share a full name), and there would be more of Cruz & Jones on the show, and Diana would return, and, and, I could go on and on. But it's good fun, the actors are pretty, and I don't mind the high degree of predictability. & they do get points for having the little Chinese girl in "All In" also speak fluent English and have Peter look like an ass for assuming otherwise. Still haven't seen the last ep, so please don't spoil me (from what I gather, I'm going to be happier waiting to see it until the next round has started to air).

I still adore The Closer - the episode "Make Over" was surprisingly awesome (and I still adore Corey Reynolds - it was awesome to have him show up on NCIS recently). And I'm making my way thru Flash Forward - I adore John Cho, and have had lust in my heart for Joseph Fiennes since he was in Shakespeare in Love so I don't mind him being around as much as many other people seem to. Though of course if it transformed into the John Cho, Gabrielle Union, and Courtney B. Vance show I would not complain one bit.

ETA: Forgot to also say, I received a lovely holiday card from thebratqueen - many thanks! I didn't sign up for anyone's cards this year, since it didn't seem fair cuz I never get around to sending any, so this was an unexpected treat.

some stuff that's happened since I last posted

Sun, 05 Jul 2009 08:33:36 GMT

Look, a post. I've not abandoned this lj (I just read & comment way more than I post. Posting takes so much more thought, time, and effort, and I am lazy).

Had a lovely dinner with erynn999 and lwood last week - they kindly kept me company (while bearfairie was in NY for almost a week) and fed me lots of sushi plus tea and mochi, yum! I used to be the guy who enjoyed having the house to myself, but apparently that has changed and now I prefer living with someone (at least bearfairie - I've not experimented to see if this extends to other humans as well, and since faerysprl is sadly not coming to stay with us next week as originally planned, no data point forthcoming). Social J is social, and this is a positive change, just one that occasionally takes some getting used to.

This coming Thursday plus the weekend is workshop with Orion Foxwood, which I'm super excited about. I've not done as much faerie stuff of late and it'll be good to get back into that. jeebietree, are you coming to any of those? They're all in Santa Cruz, so if any of the rest of you are interested, there might still be room, and it would be lovely to know someone else attending (and I'm driving back & forth from Santa Clara, if you're up here & want to carpool).

Previous to all of this, there was a week & a half of hell. One of my closest friends had her pregnancy go terribly, terribly wrong at the 6 month mark, so there was a lot of driving back & forth to SF where she was in the hospital and supporting her & her partner through horrible, horrible news & decisions (and keeping them entertained in between since she was on bedrest for almost that whole time). I'm still grieving the loss of my potential niece. (Obviously, they too are still grieving & I recognize their process is far worse than mine. But this is my lj, so it's all about me me me.) Having this happen right after the murder of George Tiller really brought home to me how important termination services (even late in pregnancy) are (this was largely intellectual for me before), and how radically different access is if you have good health insurance & live in a major urban area (again, not news, but frankly shocking to juxtapose her experience (which, thank <insert higher power of your choice>, was so professionally and compassionately handled by everyone involved but one jackass) with the stories of women traveling across multiple states to get to Dr. Tiller's services). It makes me want to smack in the mouth anyone who claims that women are having third trimester abortions just for fun. No one should ever be faced with that decision. This btw is not up for discussion here - I've not had kerfuffle in my lj before, and I hope to keep it that way. I respect your right to disagree elsewhere.

Dreamwidth codes

Wed, 06 May 2009 00:42:03 GMT

I have a few Dreamwidth codes if anyone would like them. Comments are screened so you can comment with your email safely.

Truthfully, I don't see myself using Dreamwidth consistently til they implement reading filters cuz I use them so extensively (I read several different filters depending on how much time I have available and/or what I'm in the mood for, so single-reading-filter means only-on-weekends-with-no-plans aka not often). But I'm super-excited that there's an(other) alternate to lj (and one which does not make light of mental illness), which is why I financially support it, and I am hopeful it will grow in good ways. I don't know if I'll straddle both worlds or move yet, and that's ok with me - I don't feel rushed to make a decision. I see a lot of folks having strong opinions in many directions, but in this instance, I am not one of them. With crossposting & feeds & other evolving technologies, I think we can each make our own decisions & still stay in touch.

Dreamwidth account, woo!

Fri, 17 Apr 2009 23:55:24 GMT

I have a Dreamwidth account!! My very first entry. Next to figure out how to crosspost between there and here (cuz I cannot face futzing with the color scheme any longer, I am just accepting that for reasons I can't immediately explain, all my links in the header turn white when moused over).

Assuming we ever get out of this freaking airport, we'll meet up with jmtorres tonight before family festivities tomorrow and Sunday. Festivities of course defined as spending a lot of time trying to figure out what to do and sitting around, cuz this is my dad's family & that's how they roll. Any supportive thoughts for patience and enjoying seeing my family with no expectations of anything beyond that are appreciated.

Nine Things about Oracles

Wed, 01 Apr 2009 11:33:30 GMT

I couldn't resist the Nine Things about Oracles thing going around (which somehow got started by a piece of jewelry, and a poem in response). My favorite so far is oursin's One big thing the Oracle knows. It's so very her, and I loved her perspective on this.

I am not a poet, but I am a listmaker, and on occasion, an oracle, and for whatever reason, felt very prescriptive tonight.

Nine Things about Oracles:

I define an Oracle as a being who brings messages/wisdom/information from one place to another (and I don't mean from one town to the next). Yes, it's a very broad definition.

Do not ask an Oracle unless you are prepared to hear the answer.

If an Oracle offers you a message/wisdom/information, don't turn it down lightly.

Don't be shy about asking for more information and/or clarification, asking followup questions. But when the Oracle says it's done, it's done.

Oracles only have so much control over when messages/wisdom/information come through, and not every Oracle can talk to everyone. If an Oracle says s/he can't answer your question, accept it and move on.

After receiving a message/wisdom/information from an Oracle, pay attention to your dreams for the next chunk of time. Additional information may come through.

To be an Oracle, you have to be willing to practice. It's a skill like anything else.

If you want to be an Oracle, cultivate relationships with other realms. The more non-human contacts you have, the more likely you can be an Oracle for a given person. Or you could cultivate a strong relationship with one being, and share only their messages/wisdom/information (so I'm told - I'm a networker with noncorporeals just like I am with people).

There are a lot of different ways to be an Oracle, some more conscious than others. You could have done oraclework and not even known it. Similarly, you may have received a message/wisdom/information and not known it. This list might have been it.

5 topics meme part 2

Thu, 19 Mar 2009 11:15:46 GMT

oursin also gave me the topic California. Today, a free-associated list:

I've now lived in California longer than any other state, not even counting my brief sojourn in San Diego before I was 2. 19 years this September, more than half my life.

Obviously, I like it here in the Bay Area.

The weather is just about perfect for me. There's a little time in the summer when it's too hot for me, and there's a little time in the winter when it's a bit colder than I'd prefer (and wow, if I never had to drive in heavy rain with bad drivers again, I will not be sorry), but really, I can't complain, and I'm not sure there's anywhere else on the planet that the climate would be better suited to me. And I don't say that to brag about how it was gorgeous today and all sorts of things are in bloom. :)

I love that I live where I can easily get to the ocean, to the Bay, to foothills and mountains, to Open Space Preserves, and yet also have access to good independent bookstores (there are a few left), museums/theater/symphonies/etc, excellent food, wonderful farmers markets (with really good produce year round!), and more. Plus we have no majority race (since 2000 or 2001 Google tells me), and I think that's awesome. By which I don't mean to downplay California's racial issues, but it's still to me a hell of a lot more comfortable than places that are overwhelmingly majority white. & of course I appreciate that it's a place I can be queer and trans and still have a career, get health care (with some effort), etc.

I do wish for better, more convenient public transit, especially down here (it's better in parts of San Francisco & the East Bay). & I continue to have the desire to both live walking distance to everything I need (that I do miss about living in SF), and live in a less congested, more untouched area. I am aware that no place in the world can meet both of those criteria at the same time. & I wish it weren't so crazy expensive to live here, and that we weren't continuing to push our public school system into the toilet.

I will admit that California involves a bit more than just the Bay Area, but I don't have a ton to say about the rest of the state. San Diego was lovely for the bits I've visited it, although certain parts are just ridiculously opulent and monolithically white and rich and the people looked at me funny (mind, this was back when I was living as a woman - who knows, today I might blend right in, which would almost be more uncomfortable). LA, well, LA is LA and if I never go back, I won't be upset, and not just cuz it's so horribly polluted (no offense to those of you who may like LA). I love Monterey and Santa Cruz. Marin and Sonoma and Napa have some beautiful areas. And there's so very much more of the state to explore. Though I'll admit that at times, I think the Bay Area should secede from the rest of the state, especially when we pass appalling initiatives ending health care and education for children without papers, ending affirmative actions, and making gay marriage illegal, not to mention electing the Governator.

Oh, and I should say, if you want to know more about California, there's a fabulous new travel guide Moon California you should check out.

five topics meme, part 1

Wed, 18 Mar 2009 10:10:55 GMT

oursin and callmesandy were kind enough to give me 5 topics they associate with me back when that meme was going around, and to get back into posting, here's one topic.

oursin chose faeries, which wow, such a big topic, and one I don't really talk about with most people. Not everyone can hang with the idea that I talk to noncorporeal beings, and they talk back (bearfairie and I joke about our "imaginary friends"). But this is a huge part of my day to day existence and my spiritual practice, and I'm working on figuring out how to talk about this stuff with more people.

I work primarily with 2 faeries, one of whom I met when I was a young kid & is currently off on personal business, and one of whom I met not too long after my brother died. They help me with healing in a variety of ways (I met both of them in times of trauma, so at times this has been much needed), teach me how to interact with the spirit world safely and with something approximating appropriate etiquette (at least enough so I don't totally embarrass them), help me find other allies, take me on journeys, and work with me on various projects. & one of them or an ally of theirs is with me all the time, and while we don't talk constantly (I do manage to maintain a corporeal existence too), I'm totally baffled by the idea of being bored, cuz there's always someone there to talk to and things I can do. & now that I'm working more with my Ancestors, there's a lot of someones at times (not that Ancestors are faeries - in my cosmology according to what I've been taught, faeries were never and will never be in corporeal form).

The funniest part about all of this to me, is that I was an atheist for a very long time (well, for values of "very long" that fit into my 36 years) - I started consciously identifying as such at 12. I slid into agnosticism in my late 20s because really, I wasn't interested in working with deities and so it wasn't important to me whether they existed or not, and so the certainty of atheism just seemed like more effort than I wanted to expend. & now (as of the past few years), not only do I talk to spirits, I believe in reincarnation and that there is some eternal part of our spirits that does continue on after death, and I work with deities (and when I say work with, I largely mean direct communication, which I've only recently learned is not the way it works for all pagans - a downside of working largely with noncorporeals and only talking to a small number of other humans about this stuff is that I have a completely skewed view of the way this stuff works for other people. Or so I'm told.).

Orion Foxwood talks about how when one group dominates another, there's 2 ways the dominant group can get rid of the non-dominant group's traditions (I think there's also assimilation, but he may subsume that into one or both categories). There's vilification, like those witches who might do terrible things to you & so need to be run out of town or worse, or Satan who will steal your immortal soul. This is of course bad, but retains the idea that the vilified tradition/group has power. & then there's trivialization, which is what's been done with much of faerie traditions - when that gets reduced to tiny, cute Tinkerbell, not only has the tradition been suppressed, it's not even attributed any power. It's complicated, and I don't want to set up a hierarchy here - being labeled evil or trivial is a bad thing, and some things end up labeled both.

Some folks reverse engineer the mythology of faeries to try & figure out the beliefs they came from - today's emphasis on how small and cute faeries are might mean they're actually very large and powerful, for example. My geek mind finds this sort of thing very interesting, but my spiritual practice has been all about developing my intuitive side to balance out my overdeveloped logical side, so I tend to not go down that road. I don't mean I turn off my critical thinking (I'm not sure that's possible!), but I approach this stuff with an open mind and see what happens. I'm really an experiential learner, especially in this realm.

Anyway, as I said above, I haven't talked about this with many other people, and I'm looking to change that, so if you or someone you know does something in this realm & wants to chat about it, I'm open. & of course I'm happy to talk to the rest of you about it too (otherwise I wouldn't post my blatherings on the internet). I'm returning to my policy that all comments will be answered, so don't be dissuaded by my epic failure with the comments on my last post.

Bones eps 406, 407, 408, 409, plus trans characters in procedurals

Sat, 29 Nov 2008 10:22:37 GMT

Ever since a comment in callmesandy's lj pointed me to Hulu, I've been watching all sorts of TV, including recent Bones eps. I'd forgotten how much I really like this show, and pretty much every character on it.

I keep misreading one episode title as The Skull in the Scripture (instead of sculpture, ep 407), which is all the more hilarious given the episode. Dude, Best. Episode. Ever! Angela is now canonically bisexual! Makes my Bones/Angela all that much closer to canon. I adore that they made her relationship in art school be a year long, so it wasn't just a bicurious fling, and that there was no Oh yes, I experimented in college but am over that now that I am a real adult nonsense. Someday, I hope to live in a time when I don't celebrate every single queer character on TV because they're commonplace, but for now? Queer woman of color on my TV (well, computer, it's Hulu), I'm dancing with joy. And I loved Booth's story about his aunt.

I'm now watching The Con Man In the Meth Lab (ep 408), and I already love it even before the opening credits. ZOMG, Booth has a brother! Who is also hot! The only thing that could have made his introduction better is if Hodgins had come over and flirted with him too. And the contrast between Jared who is good at politics and Seeley the straight-shooter is an interesting one.

Also interesting that they're not taking it the way I expected, but instead with the whole DUI thing (I guess I should have seen some character flaw for Jared coming, but I was distracted by the blinding hotness of Jared in Navy dress uniform). I do have to admit I'm disappointed to find that Booth's hot Navy brother is an alcoholic - him as a recurring love interest for, well, anyone (other than his brother, which these days in fandom I feel like I need to stipulate) would have worked for me. But the storyline with Bones and the brothers Booth ended up way more interesting than the jealousy angle I expected them to play to death. Though I gotta say, at this point, it's out of character for Bones to think S. Booth is a loser, regardless of what his brother or anyone else said. The scene at the end, where Bones knows to ask if Booth needs space as well as time, that's much more them, and an excellent scene with a lot of body language and not a lot of words.

I do like it when pop culture shows people struggling with being family to addicts, and raises the idea of enabling and how hard it is to stop (and why it's important to). That whole arc is ridiculously accelerated through the magic of TV time, but aside from the speed, I think the storyline was well done - the charismatic, risk-taking brother who fools just about everyone, the older brother who looks out for the younger brother regardless of personal cost (I've certainly been that guy) & who's unwilling to criticize him or let anyone around him do so, how being children of alcoholics affected the two of them. I generally watch Bones because it's more fluffy than a lot of the crime procedurals - the characters in general get along, it's less gratuitously gory (and when it is, it's in a scientific way mostly), murder & so forth are usually not made sexy - but it's nice for it to sometimes have some depth too, and without being too message-y because it comes from character development.

Also, hooray for more Eugene Byrd! I totally love Clark's professional boundaries thing. I especially like that he & Cam are the only ones who talk professional boundaries - I think it's realistic to have POC being more concerned with that, since white people get away with so much more shit and therefore have the privilege to not be so concerned with such things. Of course, a few minutes later, they have Clark oogle Bones's cleavage, followed by Cam giving Bones advice about the brothers Booth in front of Clark, which undercuts that whole idea, but I'll stand by it as they actually raise the concept of appropriate conduct (I suppose Bones does sometimes too, but I think only with her lab assistant, and not consistently).

I feel like I should say something about The He in the She (ep 406, which I watched earlier in the week), and really, I feel mixed about it. I think it's interesting that the whole forensics on TV thing has led to multiple trans eps on various shows. The whole idea that DNA could actually mislead investigators is too good for writers to pass up, and it's given us more trans characters in mainstream TV than anything else I can think of, with varying degrees of sensitivity/offensiveness.

Wandering away from TV for a moment, in this day and age of identifying remains through DNA, it is something I think about - no one's going to find my remains that way, at least not without some inside information. I know, in the grand scheme of things, if I'm killed in a way that only DNA can identify what's left, gender isn't really going to be that important in the grand scheme of things, but still, one more thing for my loved ones to have to negotiate, and if for some reason they're not around either, I could end up "unknown female remains" forever. But I digress.

Unfortunately, the structure of procedurals limits us to transfolk as perps, transfolk as victims, and transfolk as suspects (since of course the moment a character's transness is revealed, they become a suspect for having a "secret worth killing over" - CSI did a nasty bit with this). I think CSI had the first evil tranny (mmm stereotypes), with their recurring FTM villain - at the time I was excited to just see an FTM on TV, and I liked that he outsmarted Grissom of all people. NCIS embraced the idea too with an MTF villain, capped with a joke in the next ep about kissing a man - it was so offensive I almost stopped watching the show.

CSI definitely has embraced the poor pathetic tranny stereotype, with trans characters as victims of crimes, and with MTF witnesses/friends/family in one ep I've tried to block from my memory. And while I thought it was actually pretty well done, there's an ep of The Closer where the FTM manages to fit both stereotypes (and possibly not even be trans but just living as a man to hide from law enforcement, though I'm not sure we know for sure since everything we learn about the trans character was from people who didn't know and from the killer, who was horribly horribly homophobic and transphobic). We have managed to expand to transfolk killed not because they're trans, as in Bones 406 - this victim isn't portrayed as pathetic at all, and I think her transness was irrelevant to her murder, and I do appreciate that.

Thinking about it, I'm not sure I've ever seen an ep where the trans character was presented as being out and totally accepted by their community, and where the community was not mocked for being accepting. And it was so nice to see an MTF on TV who's not a sex worker (I hear that there's another character on Ugly Betty as well, but I don't watch that), and who's not all into the bar scene, drugs, etc. And yet also not portrayed as totally stereotypically Stepford-wife female.

I hated hated hated all the crap that came out of Booth's mouth, but I appreciated that he got called out on it repeatedly, and by so many different people and in different ways. And I thought the religion angle was interesting, that both father and son struggled with being part of a fundamentalist sect and how to reconcile their faith with who they were, and I like that this got expanded to more than just transfolk. I'd have to rewatch, but I think this one was a definite improvement over the last Bones ep with a trans character.

On to The Passenger in the Oven, ep 409. I do love the Bones-Booth interaction at the beginning of the ep, and for all people mock David Boreanaz's acting, he's very good with his enjoyment of the first class seat (and I'm amazed that he could enjoy a massage chair that much without it being explicitly pornographic).

I'm also enjoying the mystery fan, and the portrayal of a fan as intelligent - a nice change from some of the fan mockery on other shows (I'm looking at you, Aaron Sorkin).

Oh man, the naughty librarian thing from Booth - totally awesome. I laughed so hard, bearfairie wanted to know what was going on. And the followup where she experiments with doing what he asked to try and figure out wtf was also good.

And more queer women, yay! I figure, the artist is probably only around for a short run (presumably they're getting Angela & Hodgins back together at some point), so I gotta enjoy it while I can.

Looking for advice

Mon, 03 Nov 2008 10:30:20 GMT

I turn to the wisdom of my all-seeing, all-knowing flist:

I'm looking for book recommendations for my 15 year old cousin. She apparently likes the Twilight series, and I'm hoping for something less problematic than that. She apparently also like manga, though no specifics have been passed along to me. Any suggestions would be much appreciated, as would any other suggestions for a belated birthday gift. I'm told she also likes LoveX, which apparently is a band? This all just makes me feel tremendously out of touch.

I'm in the market for some blank DVDs. Last time, I was seduced by good prices and ended up with crappy quality. Any suggestions for where to get a pile of blank DVDs at a good price but also acceptable quality? Online or in a physical location.

Many thanks!

This image is more pervy than any slasher I know

Sat, 01 Nov 2008 21:00:21 GMT

I am so traumatized by this, I had to share: Obama/McCain???. I pride myself on being open to a wide variety of pairings, and for being a big ole pervert, but this? Too much for me. My eyes! My eyes!

It's all ratcreature's fault - she's who pointed me to the link.

Support No on Prop 8, Buy Porn!

Tue, 28 Oct 2008 01:58:18 GMT

Comstock Films is doing a fundraiser for No on CA Prop 8: they'll donate 100% of the purchase price (not S&H) of any of their films bought from them from Tuesday, Oct. 28, 12AM Eastern to Oct. 29 3AM Eastern. If you're not familiar with Comstock Films, you should be - they're a husband & wife team who make really high quality porn (they call them erotic documentaries), and they got into it because they couldn't find porn out there that they liked, so they made their own - an ethos we in fandom often espouse. Anyway, should you be in the market for erotic documentaries, Tuesday would be an excellent time to buy some and also help out the No on 8 campaign.

I've been walking around my neighborhood getting more and more despondent. So many Yes on 8 signs - when I finally found a neighbor with a No on 8 sign, I wanted to ring their doorbell and give them a hug. In some ways, I regret the invisibility my transition gives B and me - I wonder if it would make a difference in this whole Prop 8 mess if my neighbors saw us as an obvious queer couple. And yet, passing does bring a huge sense of safety these days. As unsafe as I feel walking around by all these hateful signs, I'm sure it would be much worse if I were still visibly queer.

In conclusion, please vote No on 8 if you're in CA, donate if you can, and wow, I cannot wait for this election season to be over.

What my taste in art says about me meme

Fri, 24 Oct 2008 22:55:40 GMT

As seen from chele74:

Your result for What Your Taste in Art Says About You Test...

Traditional, Vibrant, and Tasteful

4 Islamic, 1 Impressionist, 3 Ukiyo-e, 1 Cubist, 3 Abstract and -18 Renaissance!

Islamic art is developed from many sources: Roman, Early Christian, and Byzantine styles were taken over in early Islamic architecture; the architecture and decorative art of pre-Islamic Persia was of paramount significance; Central Asian styles were brought in with various nomadic incursions; and Chinese influences . Islamic art uses many geometical floral or vegetable designs in a repetitive pattern known as arabesque. It is used to symbolize the transcendent, indivisible and infinite nature of Allah.

People that like Islamic art tend to be more traditional people that appreciate keeping patterns that they learned and experienced from their past. It is not to say that they are not innovative personalities, they just do not like to let go of their roots. They like to put new ideas into details and make certain that they will work before sharing them with others. Failure is not something they like to think about because they are more interested in being successful and appreciated for their intelligence. These people can also be or like elaborate things in their life as long as they are tasteful. They tend to prefer geometric patterns and vibrant colors.

Take What Your Taste in Art Says About You Test at HelloQuizzy

I agree with chele74 that it's a bizarre selection of paintings. The main conclusion I draw from this quiz is that I really don't like Christian imagery in art, with a side of not being a huge fan of mainstream Western art in general. The part about not letting go of my roots is pretty true about me, so maybe the idea behind the quiz isn't completely off-base, but I do think I've long since worked through a lot of my issues around failure, and I think most folks who know me would laugh at the idea that I'm pretty traditional. & frankly, I hope to never "be...elaborate things," thank you very much, tasteful or no.

Hypocricy, thy name is Republican

Fri, 05 Sep 2008 21:00:12 GMT

Fascinating. Apparently the Republicans have been
using music without authorization this campaign season, from Heart, John Mellencamp, Jackson Browne, and Boston. I guess copyright laws don't apply to them, though they're certainly in bed with the RIAA (though what major politician isn't these days).

Fictional characters meme

Wed, 03 Sep 2008 10:03:05 GMT

Via oursin:

1. Comment on this post and ask for a letter.
2. I will give you one.
3. Think of 5 fictional characters whose names begin with that letter, and post their names and your comments on these characters in your LJ.

She gave me the letter 'L':

Lacey Thornfield of Middleman. I adore everyone on Middleman, and really, Lacey is probably my least favorite (but that's because I have so much love for the others, not a dis on her). I think it's so totally awesome that there's a vegan activist on a fairly mainstream TV show, and that while both her veganism and her performance art are sources of humor at times, it's gentle humor. I love her relationship with Wendy Watson (Wendy Watson, how are you so awesome?!), that they have real conversations about a variety of topics, not just men, and that they choose their friendship over men. I appreciate that she's not just the somewhat ditzy blonde she started off as. & I like that she's not the main character of the show, though she looks like the one who commonly would be. There should be tons of femslash about her & WW - maybe for Yuletide?

The Lone Gunmen. Is this cheating? I suppose Langley qualifies either way. I also adore the Lone Gunmen. I love them for being unrepentant geeks and conspiracy theorists, and that while both their show & The X-Files found humor in this, it too was usually gentle humor. And on a meta level, I love that Frohike was played by an AD. Yes, their sexism I could have done without, but thankfully this wasn't a constant thing. Today, lots of shows have positive geeky characters, and I'm wondering whether these guys were foreparents of that.

Laura Holt of Remington Steele. I totally wanted to be her when I grew up, back when the show was first on and my mom & I watched it. Sure, we watched it largely for Pierce Brosnan, but rewatching the show recently, I was really struck by how feminist it was. The whole premise is about Laura Holt struggling with sexism as a female detective, and it manages to have romance, have an interesting and hot male lead, and yet also have an interesting & hot female lead who is smarter than everyone else, clever, creative, perfectionist. Something the folks creating TV today seem to think isn't possible...

Lucius Fox of the Batverse. I'm a huge Batman fan, though largely from TV and movies - I've read some comics, but compared to the whole oeuvre, very little. Lucius Fox to me is the version played by Morgan Freeman (who I imprinted on at a young age on The Electric Company and have loved ever since), which yes, African American guy waiting on the white guy, but also African American genius scientist/brilliant businessperson, and there really can't be too many of those in pop culture. I love how he just figures out what Bruce Wayne is doing, and all the many gadgets he has at the ready, and that he and Alfred apparently have a whole offscreen relationship, which I think would be fascinating to see more of (really, more of Lucius Fox in general would be great - I gotta see The Dark Knight one of these days).

Leon Cooley of Saving Grace. I'd happily watch Bokeem Woodbine in pretty much anything (especially if it was a role that didn't involve him being in prison or a criminal...), and he's great in Saving Grace with the material he's given. This season, he's been sorely neglected (I'm two weeks behind now, so maybe that's changed in the meantime). I think the parallels/interconnections of his spiritual journey with Grace's are really interesting, and would be more interesting if it were more equal & less Leon is there to help Grace along (sure, the show is about Grace, so it's not going to be Leon's show every week, but there are plenty of ways that Leon's story could be more central/their relationship could be more balanced). And I love the storyline with his conversion to Islam, and how that's just normal and no one suddenly thinks he's a terrorist. And did I mention he's a hot bald guy?

Having no appropriate icons for the above (what's up with that?), I'm going with Lex Luthor since he too fits the meme. Smallville was my gateway to actually interacting with online fandom, and that's almost entirely because of Lex Luthor (two hot bald guys in this post!).

10+ things I like starting with the letter 'F' meme

Sun, 31 Aug 2008 08:20:43 GMT

My new buddy la_perkins (who I met with the lovely shrift on Tuesday) gave me the letter 'F':

Friends! (people, not the TV show, in case that's not obvious)

Fabulosity!

Fandom!

Food!

Fried Green Tomatoes (the film and the food)

Fermented things, like tofu & miso & sourdough bread

Fried food

Lynn Flewelling's writing

C.S. Friedman's writing

Firefox (the browser)

Fiction

Fantasy

Form Follows Function (I'm a practical guy, what can I say?)

Family

There are a few extras cuz I listed specifics within general categories also listed - it seemed like cheating to count both food and 3 specific kinds of food.

therapy by letters

Thu, 28 Aug 2008 17:04:56 GMT

Dear Mail Order Pharmacy,

I know that I get 3 months of medicine for the price of 2 for using you, but based on my experience both with my initial order and now with my two weeks of efforts to get a refil (which I don't yet have), it wouldn't be worth it if my prescription were free. I can't believe you stay in business, but it's now my personal mission to tell everyone how much you suck.

With great hatred I'm trying to let go of because I don't want to need high blood pressure medicine too,

-J

Dear everyone I know,

If you have any way to avoid doing business with Prescription Solutions, I highly recommend this course of action. I thought that Curascript was bad, but these jokers are actually much worse. I will happily tirade at length offline if you'd like to know the details.

Yours in fighting the man,

-J

Dear receptionist at my doctor's enormous office,

Wow, I could kiss you for being so helpful. One five minute call with barely a wait on hold to reach you, and my prescription will be called in locally for pickup before I run out. Your competence astounds me, and after Prescription Solutions, I might be in love.

I'm sure you'd say you're just doing your job, but my undying gratitude anyway,

-J

Washington state trip, ibarw, The Cleaner

Fri, 08 Aug 2008 09:35:34 GMT

Where did July go? I had a fabulous time on my trip, got to see all sorts of awesome folks (kormantic and her sweetie, minim_calibre, erynn999, alfrecht, faerysprl, fenrisskoll, jeebietree, and arallara). There is in theory a more detailed trip post to be made, but I'm not feeling it tonight.

It's International Blog Against Racism Week again, through August 10th, with optional theme of intersectionality. A well-chosen theme, given how often that issue has popped up in the past chunk of time (sure, it's always timely, but it seems to have come up more often recently).

I thought I was going to write about The Cleaner tonight, which btw is an awesome show, but I'm falling asleep. The teaser is that Benjamin Bratt is awesome in this role, Grace Park, also awesome (and has the best outfits), Kevin Michael Richardson is fun, multiple characters of color in good roles (we'll bypass for now the discussion of how it takes a show about addition to get there or how so far, they help a lot of white people (I'll admit if they were helping all POC, I'd be complaining about that stereotype...)), good characterization and writing, and really interesting family stuff. It's on A&E Tuesdays at 10PM, but this coming Tuesday, they're rerunning the first 3 (of 4) eps starting at 9PM. Check it out so I have someone to talk about it with. *g*

vacation, yay! work, boo! the closer/saving grace/la story, yay!

Wed, 25 Jun 2008 08:28:28 GMT

This week, I re-learned that the way to get things done that I've been avoiding is to find something I want to do even less. I have to do performance reviews for two folks before I can go on vacation, and I've managed to even make significant progress on the yard through avoidance behavior. Those of you who have been to my house in the past months will be amazed at the improvement - I'm sure the neighbors aren't satisfied, but I think they're probably at least pleased. And so here I am, posting in lj, because I've written one summary paragraph and therefore need a break. At this rate, I'll finish in June 2009.

Some of you may not have seen that I'm trying to set up a fannish gathering in the Seattle area over the weekend of July 4. Thusfar, it will be a small gathering (which is fine - quality over quantity :) - if you know anyone in the area who might not be on my friends list, please send them to the poll.

I am so excited to be going on vacation. If I can just survive one more day of work, I get almost two weeks off, and I so need it. We're headed off to the Fairy Congress, which promises to be interesting. It's definitely more woo than my usual scene, but I'm working on keeping an open mind (and really have no business judging other people's woo at this point, but I'm still catching up with my fairly radical transformation from cynical science-only atheist). Plus Orion Foxwood our secret boyfriend will be there - hopefully we'll get a chance to chat with him more. And we'll get to see erynn999 and alfrecht, which will be a very helpful transition back before we head back to my folks' house - the cognitive dissonance of Fairy Congress to my parents would induce whiplash or worse. Plus, you know, we like them, so it's not just using them as a buffer. *g*

Haven't posted much fannish lately, so I'll mention that one way I'm procrastinating is re-watching The Closer. ZOMG, y'all, that show is so freakin' awesome. Quirky characters, a kickass, smart, funny female lead (from the US South no less), multiple people of color in significant roles, good writing, way more character development than the average procedural, a boatload of hot actors (yes, still shallow) - I can't recommend it enough. New season starts in July (and is followed by Saving Grace which is equally awesome). And I finally made bearfairie watch L.A. Story, which it turns out is still funny (it had been years since I'd seen it, so I was afraid it wouldn't have aged well), and she liked it despite hating Steve Martin.

bearfairie and jcalanthe go to Washington

Mon, 23 Jun 2008 05:49:33 GMT

bearfairie and I are returning to the greater Seattle area again this week, 6/26-7/7. We have some free time, and thought it would be lovely to meet up with local fans and other ljers, possibly in a bigger group this time around. We've had a great time with kormantic, and erynn999 and alfrecht, on previous trips, but I know there's scads of other fans/ljers in the area (transtempts, katallison, eliade (at least at she used to be in the area), runpunkrun is somewhere in the Pacific Northwest, arallara occasionally gets down to Seattle, and I'm sure there's more I'm forgetting. Hence, a poll below (there is a question included for those of you outside the area, so you don't feel left out). Also feel free to comment and/or email privately - I'll be online through 6/25 anyway, but after that, I'll be stuck on my parents' dialup (and probably offline the first weekend).

View Poll: fannish gathering in Seattle this July 4 weekend

my LGBT family

Wed, 04 Jun 2008 11:50:09 GMT

Monday was Blogging for LGBT Families Day. I'd meant to do a post for that day, but ended up with no time to do so. Belatedly, here goes.

Truthfully, I've needed the extra time to mull over what I have to say. Having been at least 3 of those letters in my time, one would think there'd be no shortage of topics, but nothing's really leaping out at me. With all the hoopla about gay marriage lately, that's been on my mind. While of course I'm thrilled about the CA court ruling, gay marriage is really not on my short list. I believe that government shouldn't be in the business of defining family or preferencing some types of relationships over others - not heterosexual marriage over gay marriage, but also not any marriage over other types of chosen or biological or adoptive family. I'd rather live in a world where marriage was a religious institution & didn't automatically grant legal rights, regardless of which two people are involved (I am a big fan of the separation of church and state). Instead, I believe that people should be able to declare their relationship legally binding (and hence conveying legal benefits as well as responsibilities), whether it's 2 people in a more traditional marriage-type relationship, 2+ longtime roommates with no sexual relationship & other types of chosen family, a group of lovers, an extended multi-generational family, etc. I recognize this is pretty far from reality in the US today, and that gay marriage gives significant rights to many families currently denied access, and I celebrate those successes & this as a short/medium term strategy. I just wish that the US LGBT movement weren't quite so laser-focused on this one issue and hadn't lost the idea of the importance of non-marriage-like relationships as a long term strategy along the way.

bearfairie mentioned that Tasmania has some very progressive legislation in this realm. The Tasmanian Relationships Act covers both intimate relationships (marriage-like relationships regardless of the sex of the participants) and "caring" relationships.

Tasmanian relationship laws eliminate the traditional hierarchy that puts marriage and then de facto heterosexual unions above same-sex and other relationships by eliminating these old-fashioned divisions altogether and treating all relationships equally as significant and caring relationships.

I don't know a lot about it, but it sounds awesome, and I'm thrilled that somewhere, expanded definitions of family are being explored.

I also got to thinking about family in general. When I went to college, I distanced myself a lot from my family of origin, partly because I came out (at that time, as lesbian & then bisexual). I focused on chosen family, because those were the people I could be my full self with. I talked a lot about chosen family as equal to blood family/family of origin, but more there were the people I wanted to be family with and those I was stuck with. Post-college, this started to equalize, at least with my parents' generation, who knew I was queer. They didn't all celebrate it, but they also weren't overtly homophobic, and the upside of their discomfort was that the questions of when I was getting married came to a complete stop. And I have to give them credit - by the time I started dating bearfairie, I had to point out to my mom that I expected her to treat that relationship the same as she'd treated the one I had with my college boyfriend, but after that conversation, she did. Except for the part about telling her mother, which she'd asked me not to do when I first came out to her.

When I came out as trans, I did tell my grandmother, and we didn't speak for a number of years (I feel blessed that while the rest of my family of origin needed to adjust, they all supported me in taking care of myself). All she would say was that if I read the King James Bible, I'd understand. It took my brother's death six years later to bring us back together, and I feel like it's really only this year that I've truly healed my relationship with my ancestors/my blood family and embraced it on equal footing with my chosen family. (I should caveat that this wasn't just healing LGBT-related issues, though they played a significant role.)

I also got to thinking about LGBT family, and how I usually think of my chosen family when I hear that (at least the LGBT folks in my chosen family). But the term is broader than that - my parents are part of an LGBT family, though I don't know if they think of it that way. My grandmother is, and she definitely doesn't think of herself that way. There are a lot of people who are part of LGBT families who don't think of themselves that way - Dick Cheney to name an obvious one - and wouldn't the world be a better place if all those folks acknowledged that, internalized that what affects us also affects them.

For me, I celebrate being part of an LGBT family - I wouldn't have it any other way. For my blood family though, it's not so clear. And I think to myself, that's family - we don't love everything about each other all the time, but ideally we love and support each other anyway. But that doesn't sit quite right - I don't want to be loved and supported despite my LGBTness, just like I loved and supported my brother despite his struggles with addiction. I want something beyond tolerance or avoidance in my own family. And typing that, I feel greedy - I'm so lucky that my blood family didn't disown me, that they acknowledge my relationship, that they love bearfairie, that they use my preferred name and pronoun (or at least try). I know I'm incredibly privileged to have all that, and I really am happy with my relationship with my blood family today. But the idealist in me says this shouldn't be privilege - everyone should have this. And the idealist in me imagines a world where all members of LGBT families (which truthfully I believe is most of us) celebrate that just as much as we celebrate heterosexuality and gender normativity.

Maker Faire & Roux Morgue Book Reading

Sat, 03 May 2008 08:18:42 GMT

Saturday, I'm off to San Mateo for two fabulous events. If any of you are going, it would be fun to meet up - comment here/email me and we can try to coordinate (before 12:30 PM, cuz our current plan is to catch the 1PM CalTrain). Last minute, I know, but I figured it was worth a try.

First, I'm off to Claire M. Johnson's reading at M is for Mystery of her new book Roux Morgue (at 2PM). I managed to track down a copy of her previous book, Beat Until Stiff (what a delightful pun the title is!), and completely adored it. I devoured it one sunny Saturday, and woke from a nap later that afternoon wondering where the fan fiction was, because I wanted more Mary Ryan. So I'm very excited for her new book, and to get a chance to say hi, because I know her from online. If you can't make this one, she's also reading in Berkeley May 8 and San Francisco July 23.

After that, I'm meeting up with bearfairie at the Maker Faire. I'm told it's pretty awesome, and since I'll be in the area anyway, I figured I'd check it out.

quick & easy action for gay storylines

Tue, 29 Apr 2008 00:38:52 GMT

From penknife, calligrafiti, and others:

In response to heat they're getting from the American Family Association, P&G is conducting a phone poll to see if people are for or against the Luke/Noah storyline on As The World Turns. Even if you don't watch the show, please consider taking a quick moment to support boy kissing and thwart homophobic bigotry. The poll is completely automated. You don't have to talk to anyone. And it really does take all of a second to register your opinion.

Just call 1-800-331-3774 and press #1 to continue in English (or #2 for Spanish) [ETA: apparently you may or may not get that question, so listen to the menu], then 2 to get to the ATWT poll, then press 1 to continue the storyline.

Please spread the word if you're so inclined.

I called from my desk & cell phones - it's very fast.

imbroglios of late, hiking, meme

Wed, 23 Apr 2008 10:08:06 GMT

I have nothing to add to the Open Source Boobs debacle - everything has been said more than eloquently by the many women on my flist. Suffice to say, I too was appalled. I saw he's posted some follow-up, and was pleasantly surprised to see he's heard at least some of what's been said (though not all of it if he thinks Open Source Boobs is parallel with Open Source Men). A butch bearfairie and I used to know would talk about the guys who are ruining it for everyone, and this guy's behavior defly falls into that category.

It seems that some white feminists still can't seem to keep their feet out of their mouths. Basic concepts like don't use other people's ideas without attribution and when you screw up, apologize and try to make amends where possible/appropriate seem to have gotten lost, and I just don't think it's unreasonable to expect that adults will abide by these tenets. My momma (among others) taught me the latter, and the former we learned in at least junior high - it's not like these are esoteric ideas. I do get that when it seems like the whole internet is calling one a racist and a plagiarist (and here I am describing a possible emotional reality, not what actually happened), it's hard to keep one's cool, but that's when it's most important to do so.

We live in a racist world, and it's impossible to not absorb some of that despite our best efforts, and as a white person, I say/do stupid shit sometimes. It's totally mortifying when it happens, but I know the right thing to do is apologize, and if someone (especially a person of color) is explaining to me what was so fucked up about what I've said/done, I better shut up and listen. I can have my defensive fit later in private if necessary, but having it in the moment just exacerbates the damage I've done. It's a process of course, and I'm by no means perfect, but I hope with all of my heart that if I'm ever in a situation like her, I'll behave with a little more grace.

It's been a bad year for white feminists - I could weep reading some of the stuff people have been writing, like Robin Morgan, who I really looked up to when I was first finding organized feminism. We need to do better.

In better news, I had a lovely short hike in Rancho San Antonio this evening. I love this time of year, when it's warm enough to be out but close enough to the rains that everything is still green and the creek is still running. In addition to the plethora of plants and trees, I also saw a deer, who was just nosing around in the tall grass, monitoring me a little but not running away, and a bobcat, who was hanging out in the grass right next to the parking lot, watching the people walk by. All that and exercise too!

And I did a meme to find my warning label, and it made me laugh so I thought I'd share:

Informationi

jcalanthe is a restricted area. Authorized personnel only

From Go-Quiz.com

quick bullet points of update!

Tue, 22 Apr 2008 10:06:08 GMT

Some quick bullet points:

Doing tons of new stuff with my spiritual practice, which is being awesome. I've started doing some divination, started working with a new teacher, bought or ordered a crapload of books, and generally would like to spend the vast majority of my time doing things in this realm. Everything else is getting neglected somewhat, which needs to change - the problem with divination is that the universe can kick me in the head in a way I can't ignore to remind me I need balance in this area.... ;) I still like the rest of my life too, I'm just not as excited about it.

Finally sat down and did a bit of daily writing tonight. I'm again behind in my writing class, which I've been completely avoiding for at least a week. I have to write a 3,000 word max piece for next Tuesday (plus the two 500 word assignments, commenting on my classmates' work, and the reading/discussion for this week & last), and wow am I resisting it with every bone in my body. But I did sit down with a timer and write for 15 minutes tonight (thanks karma_salmon for that idea, and the rest of y'all too for the advice), so I'm counting that as a success.

Attended a lovely Seder on Saturday night at velvetgloves's. The spelt matzoh balls were very exciting, and it was a good group of close friends and velvetgloves's parents. It's a little weird to have not hosted one this year and I'm a little sad about that, but also delightfully relaxing, which far outweighs the sadness. It turns out that despite my hermit ways, I do enjoy throwing a dinner party for 15+ people (with bearfairie cooking anyway, which luckily she enjoys), and Seder in particular is nice in a large group. I hope that those of you who celebrate are having a wonderful Passover.

Saw Luisah Teish last week, and wow, she's amazing. I knew that before I attended her talk, but I was still completely blown away. Her books are in the pile I recently ordered, and I can recommend them sight unseen. She's definitely on the list of people to go see if you have the opportunity, no matter what she's talking about.

I'm really excited about Raven Kaldera's planned book about UPG (unverified personal gnosis) (that link is for the call for submissions, which includes a questionnaire he's asking for folks to fill out). I know him from tranny circles, so it's funny to run into him in a completely different context (though not unexpected). I'm definitely interested to read what he comes up with, and since I'm all about the UPG, I'm pondering his questionnaire. Since I'm pretty much a solo practitioner, his questions about how UPG works in a group are really making me think - not something I've had to worry about. Although technically I suppose all the convos bearfairie and I have end up being about how to take our individual UPG and come up with SPG (shared personal gnosis) and sometimes what Raven calls PCPG (peer-corroborated personal gnosis). Things to ponder...

And now, it's three hours past my attempted bedtime, so off I go.

writing class

Wed, 09 Apr 2008 11:22:49 GMT

I'm taking an online memoir/creative non-fiction writing class this quarter. This seemed like a great idea until I had to actually write anything. If any of you have tips for things like picking a topic (out of a billion possible ideas) or how to actually write when staring in terror at an empty file, how to avoid massive procrastination, that sort of thing, I'm very open to suggestions.

Our first assignment, which I finally finished more than a week late, was to write about a day we remember vividly, and it's posted below. I also finished the second assignment, only about a day late (but this is my week to be workshopped, so bad form I know, but I'm choosing to just be proud I finished it).

It's definitely interesting being in an online class. It's a lot more comfortable for me in some ways - it's a lot easier for me to share my work when I don't have to look at anyone. But I hadn't factored in that people who meet me in person read me as male, while people who only read a story about my girlhood probably won't. Probably in my introduction, I should have come right out and said I'm a big ole transsexual and so don't be confused by the changing genders in my stories, but that ship sailed before I realized this would be an issue. Assignment #3 is to write a character sketch of ourselves, so hopefully I'll find a way to address this in it.

a day I remember vividly (500 words max)

When I was a kid, there was a time when my father would take us all to yard sales every weekend. My father would diligently read the Classified section of the newspaper, circling the ones which looked promising. On Saturday morning, we'd pile in the car and he would drive us from place to place, in search of what my mother called junk and he called bargains.

On one such weekend, it was a warm, sunny day. My brother JD and I were wearing our matching hats from a car show we'd all gone to recently. They were navy blue hats with a black bill and bright yellow writing advertising the car show and its sponsors, and they were definitely cool in my eight year old opinion. I was glad it was nice out because it meant I could wear my beloved camp shorts with all the pockets and zippers, purchased the previous summer in Kentucky from the boys department in J.C. Penny's, one pair in every color except red.

As usual, I was half asleep while JD and I stood around waiting for our parents. Temporary allies, we hoped that if we were good, the yard saling would finish faster and we could get back to our separate pursuits at home: him to cartoons, me to seeing my best friend. Usually if we were quiet, we were invisible to grown-ups, but this morning, there was a woman who noticed us. She shattered the peace with her announcement that we were such nice boys for behaving while our parents looked around. Boys? What boys? I was a girl!

I looked around, trying to figure out who had heard her. I was relieved to find that no one was reacting to her accusation of boy-ness. I had long since learned that my mother would get upset when people didn't realize I was a girl. As an early feminist, I was outraged to be mistaken for a boy, but I also felt ashamed and was glad no one noticed.

Events like this were not uncommon in my life, and I always felt that sense of shame, although I could not have explained why. Looking back, I suspect that underneath my strong identification as a girl and then a woman (which lasted into my mid-twenties) lurked a tiny part which felt like a boy, and I was ashamed that it existed, much less that anyone noticed it.